Okay so, maybe I lied
I didn't think I would make a post until after exams, but I feel obliged to make a post seeing as today, it is exactly one year since I lost my beautiful Mother.
I don't want to make the post too long because it's all very difficult to write.
Dear Mum,
I miss you beyond what words can describe. It feels so strange without you here every day, and every day I wonder if this might be a nightmare, and I'll wake up and you'll tell me everythings okay, Angel and you'll hug me till I calm down. I feel like you are so close I could touch you but I know I will never be able to until I pass on too. I can almost smell the warm coffee and sweet perfumed smell of you. I can picture you in your brown dressing gown, stepping down the stairs and giving me the most wonderful smile as you come into the livingroom and tell me some funny story or ask if I'm okay. My ultimate wish is to have you back. Even though I know these wishes won't come true, I still blow on dandelions, fallen eyelashes and birthday candles hoping that maybe one will come true. That maybe you will be back here with me where you were happy. You were beautiful inside and out and gave the best hugs in the world. I am so beyond proud to call you my Mum, and you were a perfect mother, you never ever let me down and you were always there for me. I'd like to think you are still here in some way, helping me. There are so many things I wish I'd said to you and I would do anything for just five minutes with you, even if it were in just one of my dreams. What they did to you was evil and wicked and I hope that they pay in some way for it, although I know your kindness would even extend to your murderers. I hope I can become even half the woman you are and you are my true inspiration.
The hardest thing I ever had to do and ever will do was say goodbye to you as you were sedated in a hospital bed. The tears streamed down my face and even just thinking about it makes me teary.
Know that I love you beyond words can describe my Darling. Rest in Peace, you deserve peace and love after such a hard life and struggle.
I'd like to add that I recently got a new tumblr, dear readers.
http://www.darkeyesuniverse.tumblr.com/
please check it out!
Love and Kisses
Kathryn xxx
Hey,
It's been a while since my last post, and to be fair it was pretty crappy post. Exams are coming up so this is most likely the last post before I sit my Higher Exams and set the path for my future I suppose. One main worry has been the focus of my mind lately but it's not something I can be sure of - to truly know I'd have to put my trust in a type of people I can never trust, so I'm sort of trapped in this position. But in my head, I know I'm right: it would explain a hell of a lot!
So I was bored while studying chemistry and my mind started to wander. I started thinking about collision, but not the science kind. Take a moment to think about it. Everything collides with each other. Your body - if things worked individually, you would die. In the street, if traffic lights worked independently of the actual traffic flow, all would be disrupted and chaos would ensue. It's sort of like our lives.
I'm sure we've all met people that are almost magnetic - you are drawn to them, and sometimes they are drawn to you. Something is sending you together, whether they be a friend, a lover or even just a family member you haven't met before. I feel lucky that I have several people in this category. I'm not sure whether its a sign that they will become great people, and by great I meant special/influential, whatever. Or whether they will just be very important to you or carry out some important task that's connected to your life. It might be all three, or it might just be crazy chemicals in your brain. But I feel science has already proved that chemicals in the brain aren't just rubbish - they're important.
So why is it these people exist? I think they must serve some purpose that is interconnected with us in some way. Because every little thing is connected to and relies on, each other. Sometimes, moments in time, or physical places impact with us. These moments, so electrically charged with emotion and power, create us. Like the big bang, only they impact our personality, our life, our way of thinking. Sometimes it's a song or an object. But there are always moments, greatly happy in our memory or terribly sad. I can name several of mine. Most people will share common ones, like your first kiss or being in a car crash. Yet they still remain wholly ours. Completely individual.
These moments make us who we are. These magnetic people shape us. I'm sure your parents always told you, what you do will have consequences. And anything you do will have consequences, even something good you do could have bad consequences. The moments that impact us, it's what we do with them that ultimately makes us.
There are billions of possible futures, billions of possible paths we could be taken down. It is not the destination it is the Journey that is us. We have so many opportunities and there are so many moments that impact us. Be grateful for the good ones, and stay strong through the bad ones.
I'll post after exams!
Love
Kathryn xxx
Okay so, maybe I lied
I miss you beyond what words can describe. It feels so strange without you here every day, and every day I wonder if this might be a nightmare, and I'll wake up and you'll tell me everythings okay, Angel and you'll hug me till I calm down. I feel like you are so close I could touch you but I know I will never be able to until I pass on too. I can almost smell the warm coffee and sweet perfumed smell of you. I can picture you in your brown dressing gown, stepping down the stairs and giving me the most wonderful smile as you come into the livingroom and tell me some funny story or ask if I'm okay. My ultimate wish is to have you back. Even though I know these wishes won't come true, I still blow on dandelions, fallen eyelashes and birthday candles hoping that maybe one will come true. That maybe you will be back here with me where you were happy. You were beautiful inside and out and gave the best hugs in the world. I am so beyond proud to call you my Mum, and you were a perfect mother, you never ever let me down and you were always there for me. I'd like to think you are still here in some way, helping me. There are so many things I wish I'd said to you and I would do anything for just five minutes with you, even if it were in just one of my dreams. What they did to you was evil and wicked and I hope that they pay in some way for it, although I know your kindness would even extend to your murderers. I hope I can become even half the woman you are and you are my true inspiration.
